Rap Monster & the Jealous Anti Stingray
by MarquiseWanda
Summary: An epic love romance between Nam-joon and a creature of the oceans (BTS Crack fic)


Rap Monster loves rap. And he's a monster. He has managed to establish himself in the music scene as a talented musician and impose himself in his fans' conscience as a creature made of pheromones, able to create the strongest urges in any creature of the land and sea.

Mystery veiled the erotic preferences of Rap Monster, until a visit to the zoo cast light on the dark object of his obsession;

Stingrays.

His eyes teared up in the view of a beautiful sting ray swimming carefree in the aquarium sea world.

Hastily, he passed by Jin, hungrily chewing some roots nearby and V, entangled in a profound conversation about the square root of his yellow hair with a koala, Rap Monster dove into the aquarium unstoppable, and looked the Stingray in the eye.

_ "__I love you" _he mewed staring at its vivid electric stinger and sealed his confession with a kiss.

The Stingray ran crying back to its mother, promising it would eat all its food from now on.

The Army, defying the wounded feelings of Rap Monster, hurried to take photos and upload them on Instagram, with giggles and spicy comments about the protruding parts of his anatomy accentuated with the wet shorts.

The love story between Rap Monster and the Stingray became an urban legend. The stingray jewellery were sought after and vanished from every window and stand of Mykonos. The tender instantané came out in T-Shirts from Red Bubble and sticker albums. BTS songs capturing the essence of this love like Spring Day (aptly rhyming with Sting Ray) battled their way to the top of Billboard.

Nothing was enough for Rap Monster, though, who drowned his pain of unrequited love in alcohol every night and came back drunk at the crack of dawn, abusing the rest of his bandmates. Such was the tragedy of Rap Monster, who could have every Army wrapped about his little finger, but not the one he truly longed for.

Such was the sadness not only of the Stingray so cruelly abused by Rap Monster's lips, but another Jealous Anti Stingray who secretly loved Rap Monster and always wanted to explore his tender areas with its electric stinger.

Rejected, it put a curse on him:

_Turn from Rap Monster into __**Metal Monster**_

His bandmates were not particularly surprised when one day Nam-joon came back from the hairdresser's with black hair and nails rather than the familiar indigo cryptically symbolic of his special skills and intellect. Nor were they worried when he wrapped himself in chains and nails as every self-respecting metal lover.

Maybe they did raise an eyebrow at the long black tress, or that he changed his name from Rap Monster to the Washing Machine of Headbanging.

But they were all definitely alarmed when he learnt to play 8-string guitar overnight thanks to his IQ 148 and ran off to propose to the frontman of Judas Priest; all but V, who hadn't noticed anything out of the ordinary.

The BTS myth was ruined overnight.

Rob Halford issued restraining orders against Nam-joon and every Army became an EXO-L.

Jin left the band and became a delivery boy, until he was fired for eating all the pizzas.

V was adopted by a gay couple in Mykonos with a yacht who lured him by offering him ramen.

As for the rest of the band, to cast away their shame, they all dyed their hair from faded pistachio, flame fuchsia, and Blue White Red Three colours trilogy by Kishlovsky into plain black and vanished among the crowds of Seoul where no one could recognise them anymore.

When the ex Rap Monster realised he could not be a Washing Machine of Headbanging with a tress, he became aware of his loneliness. He sought after his Stingray, but Animal Welfare Activists banned him from every contact, informing him that his Stingray had taken up yoga and therapy because it cried in the shower every night in fetal position.

When the Jealous Anti Stingray saw Nam-joon, it rushed to make the ex Rap Monster a slave to its electric stinger, but it failed. Nam-joon wanted no other Stingray but his.

"I will break the curse and you will be Rap Monster again if you do as I please…" the Jealous Anti Stingray suggested, whipping its stinger slyly.

No one knows what happened that night among Nam-joon, the Jealous Anti Stingray and its electric stinger. Some may say they can still hear his scream at night. Some may say they can smell the scorched skin of Nam-joon's tender lips.

However, BTS are once again at the top of the world.

And Nam-joon is once again

Rap Monster

THE END


End file.
